Black Widow and Captain Marvel represented at the “Avengers: Endgame” premiere Monday night.

Actresses Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Brie Larson (Captain Marvel) both stunned on the red carpet.

Larson looked lovely in lilac.

Johansson sparkled in silver.

But what made their outfits super was that both donned all six of the infinity stones, which are pretty significant to the film.

Larson sported five rings and a bracelet that boasted a stone.

Meanwhile, Johansson rocked a similar look.

Larson even suggested her accessories were a nod to the film on Instagram by posting a photo of her showing off the gems with the caption “Snapped” — likely a reference to the disastrous events of “Avengers: Infinity War,” caused by one snap of the villain Thanos’ fingers when he wore the Infinity Gauntlet.

Although both actresses donned the six stones, neither of them rocked them in the same order as Thanos in the film.

Yet, fans on Twitter didn’t seem to mind and were excited that both women wore bejeweled references to the movie. 

We’re just hoping that both women — with their badass accessories in tow — strutted onto the red carpet a bit like this:

Mark Ruffalo had no idea his “Avengers: Endgame” co-star Brie Larson also appeared with him in the 2004 film “13 Going on 30.”

Ruffalo apparently learned about Larson’s role as one of the “Six Chicks” in the 15-year-old movie on Monday, when an “Entertainment Tonight” interviewer showed him an old photograph.

“She was a mean girl! Oh my god. That’s amazing. Wow, I didn’t know that,” exclaimed Ruffalo with a laugh at the Los Angeles premiere of “Avengers: Endgame.” “How come I didn’t know that?”

Ruffalo’s Matt Flamhaff and Larson’s Six Chick never appeared on screen together in “13 Going on 30,” which is likely why Ruffalo was unaware of the connection. The movie, about a girl who makes a wish on her 13th birthday and wakes up 30, co-starred Jennifer Garner as big-time magazine editor Jenna Rink.

Larson told “Entertainment Tonight” she remembered being captivated by the way the cameras moved during filming, and how the finished movie was so different than what she imagined. It was “the moment I realized that I really wanted to direct,” she said.

Many people on social media confessed that they, too, had been unaware that Larson was a Six Chick.

The most recent episode of “Game of Thrones” Season 8 was a celebration of characters ― characters we’ve come to know and love over the course of nearly eight seasons.

But perhaps no one person is as universally beloved as Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie), the loyal warrior who has fearlessly defended Stark women since Season 2. In a standout moment from “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms,” the season’s second installment, she finally got her due ― being knighted by her friend (and would-be boyfriend) Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) in an intimate ceremony before a group of men that included her dedicated squire, Podrick (Daniel Portman).

“Is this the first time we see Brienne smile and be happy? It was beautiful,” Coster-Waldau told HuffPost during a phone call on Monday evening. “There’s something about that atmosphere: You have the lightness of Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju‎) telling his insane story and then you have the beauty of his honesty. There’s no bullshit, if you will. When he asks Brienne why she isn’t a knight and she says women can’t be because of tradition, he says, ‘Fuck tradition.’ And that rings a bell with Jaime because it’s the truth. She is clearly the most honorable, the most worthy of the title of knight of anyone in the Seven Kingdoms.”

Clearly there is a strong connection between Jaime and Brienne, who went through a transformative journey together in Seasons 2 and 3 as Brienne escorted Jaime, then Catelyn Stark’s (Michelle Fairley) prisoner, back to King’s Landing in exchange for the safety of Sansa (Sophie Turner) and Arya (Maisie Williams). During their ordeal, Jaime loses a hand protecting Brienne against assaulters and even saves her from being dramatically mauled by a bear. Of course, once they’re back in the capital, his power-hungry sister and lover Cersei (Lena Headey) throws cold water on their growing friendship. But before Brienne leaves in pursuit of the missing Sansa and Arya ― who went missing from King’s Landing ― Jaime arms her with a Valyrian steel sword she dubs Oathkeeper.

Coster-Waldau says that moment as well as the knighting scene in the latest episode, is a “weird love letter” Jaime leaves for Brienne.

“When he gave her Oathkeeper, she comes to give it back and he says, ‘No, it’s yours. It’s always been yours.’ It’s easy to read into it that he’s talking about more than just the sword,” the actor said. 

Oathkeeper, however, is very important. Not only is it a powerful weapon against the wights, it is also one of two swords reforged from House Stark’s greatsword, Ice, which landed in Lannister possession after Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) orders it to be used to behead its owner Ned (Sean Bean) in Season 1. Then, Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) gives one of the reforged weapons to Jaime and the other to Joffrey in Season 4.

But Jaime, being the honorable man he has become, gives his to Brienne as a sign of respect for her quest to protect the Stark girls. He then inherits Joffrey’s weapon, named Widow’s Wail, after the king’s death.

This is all to say that Brienne and Jaime have sister swords, and they’re going to use them in the battle against the Night King and his army. 

When asked about the significance of their swords, Coster-Waldau paused a bit, thinking over his response before admitting, “I’m starting to get into deep water here.”

“Hopefully, the horrors that were done to the Starks will come to good,” he added. “But I don’t want to talk about deeper meanings when we still have a few episodes to go. Things will be revealed and certain things won’t, but obviously, there’s meaning. Will it have special meaning in the future? Who knows. But it has meaning in the fact that the Stark children, the girls, were given this sword that was made from Ned Stark’s sword to protect them.” 

It also wasn’t lost on Coster-Waldau that many of the Valyrian steel swords have been passed to different Houses ― Brienne and Jaime now have House Stark’s Ice, Jon Snow (Kit Harington) has House Mormont’s Longclaw, Jorah (Iain Glen) has House Tarly’s Heartsbane, and Arya has an unnamed dagger (sometimes referred to as the Catspaw Dagger) that once belonged to the late Petyr Baelish (Aidan Gillen). While he wouldn’t admit to any potential spoilers, but Coster-Waldau did tell us, “The whole point is that we have to do this together if we want to survive, and I think that’s one way of reading it, for sure. It is ‘The Song of Ice and Fire,’ it’s the way it should be.” 

Speaking of that icy, fiery song, could it be that ― considering everything we now know about Jon Snow, aka Aegon Targaryen ― Brienne and Jaime are the ice to Jon and Daenerys’ (Emilia Clarke) fire? (Forget about the White Walkers!)

“Yeah,” Coster-Waldau told HuffPost, laughing and adding, “Dany didn’t seem too happy about finding out she was related to her lover.”

He continued, “I love how it’s not at all about them being related and having sex ― clearly that’s not a big deal. But she’s like, ‘What? Are you going to fucking claim my throne?! Is that it?’” 

No matter who ends up on the Iron Throne, death is coming, that much is for sure. And Jaime wants to be standing next to Brienne when it does. 

“She likes Jaime Lannister, and she believes in him and the goodness in him, and he absolutely admires and believes in Brienne of Tarth,” Coster-Waldau explained. “I love that he goes to her and says, ‘Listen, I would be honored to serve under your command.’ He’s letting down all his guards and [saying] this is the truth. The truth is I want to be close to you for many reasons but first and foremost, you’re the best. Jaime says himself he’s not the knight he used to be. That golden hand is not efficient when it comes to fighting these undead creatures, and he wants to be close to her when they face death.” 

Marvel fans have reason to get excited, as the early reviews for Avengers: Endgame are here, and they’re positively glowing.

On Monday night, the film had its first ever showing in Los Angeles, attended by a number of its key players, including Brie Larson, Chris Evans (the American one, that is), Scarlett Johansson and Chris Hemsworth.

Also at the event were a number of journalists, and while their reviews are still under embargo at the time of writing, they have shared some of their thoughts about the film on Twitter, with words like “mind-blowing”, “extraordinary” and “epic” all being thrown around.

Here’s a sample of what the critics are saying about Avengers: Endgame so far...

Avengers: Endgame is the 22nd film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and features stars from across the franchise’s past instalments.

This includes actors from the show’s earlier films like Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Chris Evans as Captain America, as well as newer additions like Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, Brie Larson as Captain Marvel and Tom Holland as Spider-Man.

Also among the cast are Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Guardians Of The Galaxy’s Chris Pratt and an array of other MCU stars, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Bradley Cooper and Don Cheadle.

Endgame serves as a sequel to 2018’s Avengers: Infinity War, which won similar praise from critics, particularly thanks to its impressive large-scale cross-over.

The film will arrive in UK cinemas on Thursday April 25, a day before it is released in the US.

The Trump administration has ordered officials to boycott the annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, scheduled to take place on Saturday, according to multiplereports.

White House Cabinet Secretary Bill McGinley reportedly delivered the message to agency chiefs of staff on Tuesday, indicating the order came directly from President Donald Trump.

“The President and members of his administration will not attend the White House Correspondents Dinner this year,” The White House said in a statement to CBS. 

Trump, meanwhile, launched a tirade against the press on Tuesday morning in a series of tweets attacking The New York Times, CNN and what he called the “Fake News Media.”

The president also reiterated his announcement from earlier this month that he plans to hold a political rally in Green Bay, Wisconsin, on the night of the dinner.

“The dinner is so boring and so negative that we’re going to hold a very positive rally,” Trump told reporters on April 5.

The White House Correspondents’ Association, which hosts the annual fundraising event and represents the White House press corps in dealings with the administration, responded to the boycott on Tuesday.

“We’re looking forward to an enjoyable evening of celebrating the First Amendment and great journalists past, present, and future,” said WHCA President Olivier Knox in a statement posted on Twitter.

This will mark the third year in a row Trump has skipped the annual gala, which has in years past featured light remarks from presidents and routines from comedians who often use the platform to roast the guests.

Last year’s performance by comedian Michelle Wolf featured a string of biting jokes aimed at the president and administration officials that upset the White House, as well as some in the WHCA. The association subsequently announced it had invited author Ron Chernow to speak instead of booking a comedian for this year’s event.

“The White House Correspondents’ Association has asked me to make the case for the First Amendment and I am happy to oblige,” Chernow said in a release in November. “While I have never been mistaken for a stand-up comedian, I promise that my history lesson won’t be dry.”

The Election Commission has sought a report from the chief electoral officer of Gujarat on a ‘roadshow’ of Prime Minister Narendra Modi in Ahmedabad Tuesday which the Congress alleged violated electoral law.

Briefing reporters on the phase three of Lok Sabha elections, which concluded Tuesday, senior Deputy Election Commissioner Umesh Sinha said, a report has been sought in this regard from the chief electoral officer of Gujarat. 

Sources later pointed out that poll authorities in Gujarat have indicated that prima facie, the PM has not violated the model code. But there was no official word on this from the EC.

Section 126 of the Representation of the People Act states that, “No person shall convene, hold, attend, join or address any public meeting or procession in connection with an election ... in any polling area during the period of forty-eight hours ending with the hour fixed for the conclusion of the poll for any election in that polling area.” 

Deputy Election Commissioner Chandra Bhushan Kumar, responding to a question on BJP chief Amit Shah’s reported remarks on ‘Modi ji ki vayu sena’ made in West Bengal on Monday, said, “details have to be collected which will come in a day or two.” 

COLOMBO — The death toll from the Easter Sunday suicide bombing attacks on churches and hotels in Sri Lanka rose to 359, police said on Wednesday without providing any further details.

Police spokesman Ruwan Gunasekera released the toll but did not give a breakdown of casualties from the three churches and four hotels hit by suicide bombers. The toll had been put at 321 on Tuesday, with about 500 people also wounded.

The attacks were claimed on Tuesday by the Islamic State militant group, which said they were carried out by seven attackers but gave no evidence to support the claim. If the Islamic State claim is true, that would make it one of the worst attacks carried out by the group outside Iraq and Syria.

Teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg has spoken of the “gift” of living with Asperger’s syndrome and how it helps her to “see things from outside the box”.

The 16-year-old won even more fans as she spoke of being on the spectrum, and how a school lesson on climate change and its devastating effects on wildlife and the oceans sparked her passion for the cause.

Speaking to Nick Robinson on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, the schoolgirl said it helped her to see things in “black and white”.

“It makes me different, and being different is a gift, I would say.

“It also makes me see things from outside the box. I don’t easily fall for lies, I can see through things.

“If I had been like everyone else, I wouldn’t have started the school strike. I don’t think I would be interested in the climate at all, if I had been like everyone else.”

She continued: “Many people say that it doesn’t matter, you can cheat sometimes. But I can’t do that. You can’t be a little bit sustainable. Either you’re sustainable, or not sustainable.”

Thunberg made the decision to strike off school between August and September last year, following heatwaves and wildfires in her home country of Sweden.

Her actions have inspired masses of children around the world to stage school strikes for the climate one day a month.

Thunberg said 1.6 million schoolchildren had taken part so far, a figure she said she could not take in.

At age 11, Thunberg became “very depressed”.

“It had a lot to do with the climate and ecological crisis. I thought everything was just so wrong and nothing was happening and there’s no point in anything,” she told Robinson.

But it was her realisation that she could make a difference, which spurred her on to develop ways she could bring awareness to the “existential crisis”.

She admitted that her parents were “not very fond” of her decision to school strike, which she began last summer.

“I just kept on planning this and talking about it.

“And I said ‘I’m going to do this, whether you like it or not’”.

The activist, who has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, spoken at the UN and met the pope, travelled to London by train to address Extinction Rebellion demonstrators on Saturday, whose efforts she supports.

She told Robinson: “As long as it’s non violent, it could definitely make a difference and make people more aware that we show that this is an emergency, this is an existential crisis. I think that disruption definitely has a lot of impact.”

“If your house is on fire then that does require some level of panic,” she said.

“You don’t sit talking about insurance claims and rebuilding, renovations - you do everything you can to put out the fire.”

On Tuesday, Theresa May was “empty chaired” as Thunberg met Westminster leaders including Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, Liberal Democrat Sir Vince Cable, and Green MP Caroline Lucas.

A place at the table was left free for the prime minister, with a sign bearing her name, but she did not attend as she was instead chairing Cabinet in 10 Downing Street.

Thunberg urged politicians to “listen to the science” and invite scientists for discussions, adding that the best thing individuals can do about the crisis is to say informed.

“Because once you fully understand the consequences of the climate and ecological crisis, then you know what you must do, what habits you need to change.”

Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai? This pretty much sums up Akshay Kumar’s very long “NON POLITICAL” (his caps, not ours) interview with Prime Minister Narendra Modi in this very politically charged moment. 

Elections are in full swing, voters are dying in clashes in many parts of the country between party cadres, but the prime minister and Kumar sat in this pristine garden with peacocks cooing in the background to discuss a few of Modi’s favourite things.

When Kumar said his interview would have nothing to do with politics, little did anyone realise all his questions were inspired by a teenager’s slam book. 

Here are some of the inane questions that Kumar asked Modi that will make you go WTF! But beware, while they do appear silly, they seemed like they were meant for the prime minister to showcase his personal achievements and characteristics. 

1.  Aaj aapka bank balance kitna hai (how much money to you have in your bank)? 

2. Aapko agar kabhi Aladdin ka chirag milta hai, toh aap jinn ko kya poochhenge (If you ever find Aladin’s lamp, what will you ask the djinn)? 

3. Did you always want to be a PM? 

4. Is ghar ke andar sabse valuable cheez kya hai (What is the most valuable thing inside this house)?

5. Narendra Modiji kojab zukaam lagta hai tab kya karte hain (What does Modiji do when he has a cold)?

6. Aapka fashion aapne khud ne kiya hai (Do you style yourself)?

7. Why do you wear your watch the other way round?

One hour of air-time and many such questions later we knew that Modi ironed his clothes by putting hot coal in a metal pot, that he has been requested by everyone he knows to sleep more and that he is extremely hard-working. This a narrative the prime minister parrots each time he’s given the chance.

So what was the point of this interview? 

BDSM is more mainstream today than it has ever been. That said, there’s still a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of people who may be interested in exploring it but aren’t sure where to begin.

For starters, BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism ― basically an umbrella term for different kinds of play that often (but not always) involves established power dynamics. It’s also become a catch-all term for many kink communities and activities beyond the vanilla. It may include spanking, caning, role-playing, cuckolding, watersports and sissification. Note that BDSM play ― or “scenes,” as they’re called ― may or may not include actual sexual activity. 

Whether you’re single and looking to spice things up or have a partner who is ready to experiment, we’ve got you covered. Below, sex workers, sex therapists and other sex experts share what you need to know before you get started.

First, do your research. 

Don’t rush into anything. Do some research first in order to learn what’s out there, what’s of interest to you and how to engage safely in that kind of play. 

“Easing into it is definitely the approach to take,” said escort and professional dominant Oz Bigdownunder. (In a dominant/submissive relationship, the dominant (or Dom) is the person who is wielding the power in a scene, while the submissive (or sub) is the one who is willingly relinquishing control.)

You can check out social media sites like FetLife, known as “Facebook for kinksters,” to find information about different types of meetups or other social events in your area. 

“‘Munches’ are meetups for kinky people to meet at a non-kinky venue,” Bigdownunder said. “There’s no play at a munch but you can always make new friends there and get together in private or in public at a kinkier venue.”

You can also read books on the subject, attend kink workshops or link up with a BDSM mentor who can show you the ropes, so to speak. 

“You shouldn’t just go out and buy toys when you haven’t even been trained on how to safely use them,” said Hudsy Hawn, a kink coach and professional dominatrix. “The first and most important muscle to exercise in your kink practice is your mind. Select the books written on the topics that speak to you. Find classes in your city teaching the subjects you and yours are drawn to. And finally, get out and meet like-minded people so you can watch and learn from them.”

For newbies, Kitty Stryker, editor of the anthology “Ask: Building Consent Culture,” suggested bringing a pal with you to these events until you feel comfortable flying solo. 

Communication, as a whole, is essential. 

For many people, talking about sex or other erotic topics can be awkward and even deeply uncomfortable. But there’s no way to safely engage in BDSM without having an honest, grown-up conversation with your partner(s). 

“We have to be comfortable talking about BDSM before we embark on it,” sex therapist and psychotherapist David Ortmann said. “Sounds easy, but our society still has serious problems talking about sex in a direct manner, so we have to begin with communication. We have to talk to our partners about our experience or lack thereof, desires, fantasies and the fun fears that tingle and can fuel fantasy, as well as our real fears about safety, negotiation, the respecting of boundaries and consent.”

If you or your partner has difficulty having these conversations, then you may not be ready for BDSM right now. 

“If you can’t talk about sex, you can’t ask for, give or offer consent,” Ortmann said. “Therefore, not being able to talk about sex is a dealbreaker. A non-starter.” 

Consent is everything. 

“If there is no consent, it’s not BDSM,” Bigdownunder said. “It’s abuse and someone is going to get hurt.”

Whenever Bigdownunder meets with a new client for a BDSM session, he makes sure they have a clear, honest conversation about consent before engaging in any kind of play. 

“I ask if they have any limits, anything they especially want to happen or don’t want to happen, have they done this before, what did they like about it, any great experiences, any bad experiences,” he said. “I get as much info as I can so I can make the best session possible for them.”

Hawn said that her formula is simple: communication + negotiation = consent. In order to get proper consent, she said, you both need to put your individual agendas aside and communicate with each other to find out what kinds of activities you’re interested in exploring, as well as those that you want to steer clear of. 

“Then you can both begin negotiating the finer points on those desires,” Hawn said. “Once these steps are taken, you’re left with a list of consensual items to play with. If you have a great idea after playtime has started, save it for a later discussion when you’re both in a grounded state of mind and can give proper consent.”

When Stryker started in BDSM, she mistakenly thought that having people violate her consent or push her boundaries in ways she wasn’t comfortable with was “just part of the learning process of figuring out what I liked and didn’t like.”

“It’s not,” she said. “You get to set your boundaries for yourself, and people should respect them.”

Be sure to establish a safe word beforehand. To avoid confusion, safe words should generally be things you would not be likely to say during a scene. Even words like “no” or “stop” can sometimes be misinterpreted if used during resistance play.

Check in with yourself and your partner throughout the process. 

When you’re expanding your sexual horizons, sometimes you’ll try something new, only to find out that you don’t actually like it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you communicate that information to your partner and encourage them to do the same. 

“Feel things out!” Stryker said. “It’s OK not to like something. It doesn’t make you a bad kinkster.”

Even if you’re in the middle of a scene, speak up if you realize you’re not OK. It doesn’t matter that you gave consent to begin with. If it’s not working for you, it’s fine to take a break or stop altogether. 

“As a Pro Dom, the worst-case scenario for me is that someone might keep quiet and endure something they’re hating because they think it would be a failure to quit,” Bigdownunder said. “I always do my best to make it clear before I start any kind of BDSM session that it’s fine if they want to ease up or take a break or change their mind about what we’re doing or how we’re doing it or to stop at any point, just let me know. And I ask people often how they’re doing.” 

Start small and work your way up.

It’s totally fine to dip your toe into the BDSM pool instead of diving head first into the deep end. Nazanin Moali, a sex therapist and host of the podcast “Sexology,” suggested starting small and then building on that over time as you get more comfortable. 

“You may wish to start with a vanilla sexual act that you both have previously found pleasurable and add a small kinky wrinkle to it, such as hair pulling or light spanking,” she said. “Later, you can move forward with an addition to another sexual behavior that you have both found pleasurable together in the past. Sometimes the addition of too many props and new acts at once can lead to confusion and disappointment.” 

Don’t forget about aftercare.

In the BDSM world, aftercare refers to physical and emotional comfort or attention exchanged between partners following an intense sexual experience. It may include offering your partner water, a snack or kind words. It may involve tending to any cuts or other injuries your partner has sustained (think a sore butt after a spanking). 

“Both parties need ample nurturing,” Hawn said. “It’s important to replenish our partner’s emotional and physical wellbeing, so find out what kind of post-play interaction they prefer. Kink is a two-way street where everyone deserves aftercare.” 

You can also use this time to debrief about the sexual experience: How did it compare to your expectations? What did you each enjoy ― or not enjoy ― about it? 

“I have often heard from my clients that they assumed that they would enjoy a certain kinky act. However, when the time came, it was not as interesting as they expected, or it was even a turnoff,” Moali said. “Make sure you talk about your experience afterward with your partner and go over what worked and what didn’t.”

Know that BDSM isn’t always about inflicting pain. 

Sure, some BDSM activities, like whipping or flogging, may involve physical pain but that’s not what it’s all about. 

“Although pain exchange is certainly part of sadomasochism in particular, most BDSM activities are undertaken to alter sensations and add novelty to one’s sex life,” Moali said. 

And just because you’re into BDSM doesn’t mean you’re “damaged” in some way.

Anyone, regardless of their sexual history, can be interested in BDSM. It doesn’t mean you’ve experienced sexual trauma or there’s something “wrong” with you. 

“Engagement in alternative sexual behaviors does not imply any mental health disorder or history of trauma,” Moali said. “There are many forms of sexual expression, and desires of this sort are far more common than the general public assumes.”

If thinking or talking about BDSM-related play brings up feelings of “dirtiness” or shame, you may want to confide in a trusted friend or partner or see a therapist to unpack any damaging beliefs.

So how can you bring up an interest in BDSM with your partner?

If you’re in a relationship and want to broach the subject with your partner or spouse but don’t know how, our experts have few tips to help things go more smoothly.

Be clear in your own mind about your desires and how involved you’d like your partner to be before you have the conversation.

“Take the time to consider which elements of BDSM you find arousing and journal about them,” Moali said. “It’s normal to be afraid of being misunderstood and to feel a little ashamed. In fact, that’s often why many people don’t take the time to reflect on what they want and like.”

She continued, “They assume that their partner will not be open to exploring this area with them. You will improve your chances that your partner will be ready to participate with you in this experience if you have already understood specifically what you like in it and what you find arousing.” 

You may choose to strike up the conversation in an intimate setting.

“Talk about expanding your sexual adventures into the kinky realm with your partner or partners in a space that is already intimate — like talking in bed before sex or sleep,” Ortmann said. “Tease one another. See where the good, fun buttons are and push them.” 

Or you may want to start (or continue) the discussions outside the bedroom. 

“It’s essential for your success that you schedule a time so that you and your partner can take the time to discuss the topic,” Moali said. “They might have follow-up questions, and it might take them some time to process what you say and provide their reaction to it.”

Express your own desires clearly to ensure that the two of you are on the same page.

“As you are speaking, use clear and concrete terms to describe what you want from your partner: Is it a pure fantasy or do you want to enact aspects of it with your lover?” Moali said.

Be open to negotiation. 

“No one can get everything they want from all of their interactions,” Moali said. “If your partner appears open to explore some of what you find interesting — even a small part of it — thank them for their willingness. Be sure to reciprocate: Ask them if there is anything they would like to explore in the bedroom.” 

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is a series tackling everything you didn’t learn about sex in school — beyond the birds and the bees. Keep checking back for more expert-based articles and personal stories.

I seem like an unlikely candidate for depression. When I was 13, I wrote in my journal that when I grew up, I wanted to be married with two daughters, and I wanted to work as a reporter.

Turns out, by those standards, I have the perfect life! Somehow, I managed to marry an incredibly thoughtful man and we have two daughters (7 and 10), two cats, a dog and a house in the ’burbs. I’m even a reporter.

Of course, depression doesn’t care where you live or what job you have. And it definitely doesn’t care how many children you have to take care of. 

When one of my daughters was in the second grade, she started vomiting every night. Doctors couldn’t figure out why she was constantly nauseated, why her stomach always hurt, why her adorable 6-year-old face started to break out like a teenager. She was constantly crying. They even gave her ultrasounds and an MRI to look for a possible brain tumor that could be causing her to have so many seemingly odd health issues.

As I Googled “child vomits daily, no fever” (don’t play the Dr. Google game if your child is sick), I slowly started feeling sick myself. I wasn’t hungry. Ever. In fact, I started wondering how people could eat as much as they did, as often as they did. Simply packing school lunches was getting so tiresome. And making dinner? It was scrambled eggs every night. I couldn’t fathom the thought of cooking.

I started shrinking. I went from 125 pounds to 109 pounds within 2 months. It didn’t look pretty and I was embarrassed by my skeletal frame, but I just didn’t want to eat.

Then came the naps. I hadn’t been a napper ever ― my to-do list was always too long to allow for a nap ― but I was just so tired. So I snuck in a nap one day. It felt so nice to fast-forward my day via the nap, that I started doing it daily.

The kids were at school and I worked from home as a freelance writer, so technically my naps weren’t really disturbing anyone. Until they began creeping past the 3 p.m. hour when my children were released to me after school. As soon as they began arguing, or if they were too loud, I just wanted to sleep it away. So I did, while my kids entertained themselves with YouTube.

Even after the doctors confirmed that my daughter’s odd health problems were simply a minor issue that would resolve itself (and it has since happened), I couldn’t seem to feel better.

Nothing interested me ― not vacations (too much effort to plan them), not my dogs (walking took too much energy), not even my children (their endless chatter began to feel like a form of torture).

Depression can make tasks as basic as getting out of bed or showering feel overwhelming. And parenting, even without depression, is a difficult job, requiring endless, often monotonous labor; it can be hard to muster enthusiasm for this on the best of days. So parenting with depression can feel almost impossible.

From the outside, I began to look like a neglectful parent. One who didn’t care. I did care, but parenting had become so exhausting. It was hard enough remembering to wash the kids (I scaled that back to twice a week), but I couldn’t also remember to wash myself. I was crying over the tiniest things ― I literally cried over spilled milk.

Then, I stopped wanting to leave the house, which is a problem if you have two young children.

My husband is the most patient person I’ve ever met, but even he was getting frustrated. He was working full-time, and he was arriving home to find a home resembling a junkyard, hungry kids and a wife napping on the couch. He understood that I was having problems, but when you’re a parent, you can’t simply disappear and take a break from life.

Two small children depended on me, yet I felt unable to be there for them. I felt guilty, but I was too busy trying to get through the day to muster up any energy to play or even to read them a book before bed. I tried not to think about the ways I was being a totally neglectful parent. Because if I couldn’t take care of myself and if I couldn’t take care of my children, then what use was I to anyone?

My poor husband tried everything. He took me out to fancy dinners. He sent me out for spa days. He took the children out of the house so I could fully have time on my own. No matter what he tried, I just wanted to disappear.

If parenting with depression is hard, getting help for depression when you’re a parent can be even harder. When you’re a full-time caretaker for someone else, it can be difficult to find time for basic self-care like getting your hair cut ― or some days, taking a shower. So where do you find the time and energy to take the steps necessary to fix your mental health?

Fortunately, I knew enough about depression to know that I had to do something. I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, and talking about my feelings helped ... for the hour that I was there, but it didn’t seem to have lasting effects from week-to-week. 

Next, I met with a psychiatrist, who told me that my anxiety was off the charts (who knew that you could be anxious yet so sleepy simultaneously?) and that I was clinically depressed.

After being depressed for months-on-end, I was relieved to let someone else take over and help me. And I strongly believe that medication helps with just about everything. (I’ve been taking migraine meds for years, and they’ve saved me from a truly tortured life.)

After 10 mg of Prozac, I began to feel like I didn’t need to nap as much. An additional 20 mg, and I could eat again and help my children with their homework. Life didn’t seem so difficult. It was when I wanted to cook dinner for the kids ― a real dinner, like a real mom ― that I realized I was actually feeling better. I actually looked up a recipe that didn’t involve eggs, I bought the ingredients and I cooked it. I even ate some of it with them, for a family meal. 

Today I’m back to my old self, except for the fear that I could go back to that bad place again.  

Sometimes, when I feel tired in the middle of the day or I decide to serve the kids eggs for dinner (yes, I still do this because remember, parenting is difficult whether you’re depressed or not) and I get flashbacks to that time. But for now, I’m OK and today is what matters. Plus, my children are incredibly forgiving (or possibly forgetful).

When you’re a parent struggling with mental health issues, you may feel like you need to take care of your children first. The simple but hard-to-remember truth is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t be there to take care of your children. Whether you’re battling postpartum depression or any kind of depression, there is help. And the help really works, if you just reach out for it.

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NEW DELHI — Disgruntled BJP MP from northwest Delhi Udit Raj joined the Congress on Wednesday, a day after being denied ticket by the saffron party. 

Raj joined the Congress after meeting party president Rahul Gandhi Wednesday morning. On Wednesday, Raj tweeted he would not have been “hurt” had the BJP told him earlier that he would not be given a ticket.

The BJP had replaced Raj from the North West Lok Sabha constituency with Punjabi Sufi singer Hans Raj Hans.

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On Tuesday, he had said the BJP might have decided to drop him for protesting against the apex court’s order that nullified the stringent provisions of the Dalit protection law.

The former BJP MP had often held views contrary to the party’s stand, especially during the Sabarimala issue and ‘Bharat Bandh’ called by Dalit organisations last year.

Earlier this month, he was at the centre of controversy after being caught in a sting done on several MPs, which purportedly showed lawmakers accepting use of black money for contesting polls.

Actor Akshay Kumar’s interview with Prime Minister Narendra Modi was broadcast on Wednesday.

A day earlier, Kumar tweeted that the two had had a “candid” and “COMPLETELY NON POLITICAL” conversation.

And through the course of the interview, Modi answered questions that were totally not meant to help his election campaign.

Of course, Twitter had thoughts on this totally casual chat in the middle of a hotly contested election season as almost half the country is still due to vote.

People also had thoughts on the nature of the conversation.

Let’s take this opportunity to remember once again that Modi has not held a SINGLE press conference in his tenure. We have, however, got plenty of ‘exclusive’ interviews where fawning interviewers lob him soft questions on his stamina and sense of style (like Akshay also did). But Twitter was quick to point out this anomaly, and also suggest another ‘Kumar’ that Modi should speak to.

Surely Ravish Kumar is among the many journalists who’d like a similarly candid chat with Modi. What say, PM? 

Meanwhile, um, Akshay Kumar ji...

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BENGALURU, Karnataka — I am a 26-year-old software developer for a Bengaluru-based company. I did not vote in the 2019 general elections. But before you jump to conclusions and give me an hour-long lecture on how I failed to exercise my fundamental right and duty, read on.

When the second phase of voting ended in Bengaluru on April 18, the voter turnout in four constituencies were well below the turnout five years ago: Bangalore rural had a voter turn-out of 59.43 percent compared to 66.45 percent in 2014, Bangalore north had a 48.19 percent turnout compared to 56.53 percent in 2014, Bangalore Central had a turnout of only 45.34 percent  compared to 55.64 percent in 2014, and Bangalore south had a turnout of 49.36 percent compared to 55.75 per cent in 2014.

Most people blame us —Bengaluru’s “techies” — for not getting involved and wandering off on a vacation because for most of us it was a long weekend. I can’t speak for everyone, but there are people who did try their level best to cast a vote, like me.

I traveled 500 km from Bangalore to my native place in north Karnataka, just to vote. Voting in my native place was scheduled on 23rd April, a Wednesday. I requested my managers to give me two days off. When they obliged, I was ecstatic as I had never missed voting before.

Amidst the jubilation, I made a mistake – I didn’t verify inclusion of my name in the voters’ list. However, I have a voter ID, and this would have been the third time I was voting. I had never faced a problem before.

Just two days before polling, my mother suggested I check the voters’ list for our family names. I checked, and everybody was eligible to cast their vote. When I checked for mine, to my horror I found that my name wasn’t included. I called up all helplines to verify and they confirmed that my voter id had been deleted and I will not be able to vote this time.

I wish I could convey just how betrayed I felt in that moment. Without any intimation, without any proper notice, my name had been deleted! How could they do that?

When I researched further, I came to know that this was supposedly a routine exercise by the Election Commission of India. So basically, some guy at EC felt that I didn’t deserve to vote. Maybe he didn’t like my name, or my voter id number didn’t add up to a good sum that would have favored his fate according to some numerology or maybe he wasn’t just in a good mood that day. Either way, I just wasn’t eligible to vote. My right to vote was simply revoked because some staff at EC was in the mood for some sort of Swachh Abhiyaan. 

So yeah, I DID NOT VOTE. You might ask me why I didn’t try to re-register.

It all happened at the last moment and after all that, I simply didn’t feel like. I had all the right documents and was legally eligible to vote. And just like that, it was rendered null and void. So, I let it go, and I will continue to.

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If the EC can be so irresponsible and play with a person’s right to vote, why should I be even bothered about voting and making it count? Maybe I can plan a vacation just like the rest of the other techies did. At least then, the holidays I fight for from my management would be worthwhile.

And finally, just so that we all are clear, not all techies of Bengaluru are irresponsible. It’s simply just that they were made to feel that their effort was wasted. So next time you judge a techie and blame them for being indifferent, do your homework and then do the needful.

Was your name removed from the voters’ list without your consent or knowledge?

HuffPost India is gathering accounts of all those who have been disenfranchised in the 2019 General elections. Share your story with us at pitches@huffpost.in or on our official Twitter or Facebook pages.

Donald Trump lauded a “great meeting” with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey on Tuesday evening just hours after accusing the social media platform of playing “political games”.

The US president and some Republicans in Congress have complained that social media giants are biased against Republicans, something the companies have rejected as untrue.

Trump lost 204,000, or 0.4 percent, of his 53.4 million followers in July, according to social media data firm Keyhole, when Twitter started its purge of suspicious accounts after it and other social media services were used in misinformation campaigns attempting to influence voters in the 2016 US presidential race and other elections.

During yesterday’s meeting, Trump asked why he periodically lost large number of followers only to be told Twitter often removes fraudulent and spam accounts and that many famous people, including Dorsey himself, had lost followers as a result.

This seems to have placated the president who tweeted his praise for the meeting shortly after.

While some tech company executives may lean towards the liberal, they have long asserted that their products are without political bias, the Press Association reports. 

Trump had tweeted earlier Tuesday that Twitter did not treat him well and that he would have more followers “if Twitter wasn’t playing their political games”.

Twitter described the meeting with Dorsey as constructive and said it came at the president’s invitation.

“They discussed Twitter’s commitment to protecting the health of the public conversation ahead of the 2020 US elections and efforts under way to respond to the opioid crisis,” the company said in a statement.

NEW DELHI — The Supreme Court Wednesday directed chiefs of the CBI, IB and Delhi Police to appear and meet in chambers the three judges who are hearing a lawyer’s claim that there was a larger conspiracy to frame Chief Justice of India Ranjan Gogoi.

The entire episode is “very disturbing” as it concerns the independence of the judiciary in the country, a three-judge special bench headed by Justice Arun Mishra said.

The bench also comprising justices RF Nariman and Deepak Gupta turned down a fervent request of Attorney General KK Venugopal and Solicitor General Tushar Mehta to order a court-monitored SIT probe into the matter, saying the court was not venturing into any enquiry at this moment.

“It is not an enquiry. We are meeting these officers in secret. We don’t want any evidence to be disclosed,” the bench said. It had asked the three officers to meet the judges in chamber at 12:30 pm.

The bench said after meeting the directors of the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) and the Intelligence Bureau (IB), and the Delhi Police commissioner, it will reassemble at 3 pm to hear the matter again.

At the outset advocate Utsav Singh Bains, who has filed an affidavit in the top court claiming a larger conspiracy of alleged fixers to frame the CJI on allegations of sexual harassment, placed before the bench material to substantiate his claims.

The bench after perusing the material, placed by him in a sealed cover, said “very disturbing” facts have emerged in the matter.

“Can you call some responsible officers from the CBI, preferably the director? Can you call him to meet us in our chambers?” Justice Mishra told Attorney General Venugopal.

Venugopal replied in the affirmative and replied on the April 20 Facebook post of Bains in which he had claimed that there was a larger conspiracy by some people to fix verdicts of the Supreme Court and malign the office of the CJI.

Solicitor General Mehta told the bench that he was very disturbed with the allegations against the CJI as well as claims made by the lawyer and said this concerns the judiciary in the country.

“My submission is that let a special investigation team (SIT) be constituted under the supervision of this court. The truth must come out in the investigation monitored by the court. This will inspire confidence,” Mehta said.

Venugopal also supported Mehta’s submission and said a thorough enquiry should be conducted in the matter.

However, Justice Mishra said this is a “sensitive issue” and CJI Gogoi has also taken action in the matter.

“This action has been taken by the CJI for the first time in the history of India. This was happening around in the past also but no CJI had the courage to do this,” he said, adding that the CJI is taking the action “without any fear.”

The bench said full protection should be given to Bains as the court doesn’t want evidence to be destroyed or compromised.

At the fag end of the hearing, Bains told the court that he has some more very important and very critical piece of evidence related to the mater and he be allowed to file an additional affidavit.

The bench allowed the request of Bains and said, “It should be handwritten and not typed.”

Bains had filed an affidavit following the unprecedented hearing on Saturday during which Justice Gogoi had said that some “bigger force” was behind the controversy as they wanted to “deactivate” the CJI’s office and he would not stoop too low even to deny these allegations.

The hearing on April 20 in the case, titled as a matter of “great public importance touching upon the independence of judiciary”, was held after stories were published on some news portals about the sexual harassment allegations levelled by a former employee of the apex court against the CJI.

ANANTNAG, Jammu And Kashmir — In Anantnag parliamentary constituency of southern Kashmir, the Lok Sabha polls are seen as a battle between the resurgent armed insurgency and mainstream politics trying hard to distance itself from New Delhi to stay relevant.

It was a foregone conclusion that separatist sentiment, traditionally expressed by the boycott of polls, would win hands down. Only the extent of the boycott remained to be seen.

At the end of the day, officials announced a 13.6% turnout in Anantnag district of the Lok Sabha constituency, where the separatist sentiment runs so high that the polling schedule for the four districts of the seat—Anantnag, Shopian, Kulgam and Pulwama—was broken into three phases, probably for the first time in the history of Lok Sabha elections. The situation didn’t even permit the government to hold a by-poll for the constituency since early 2016 when former chief minister Mehbooba Mufti vacated it to take over the reins of the state government. 

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The final turnout is expected to be lower because the rest of the three districts are currently the epicenter of the militancy made popular by militant commander Burhan Wani, whose killing in 2016 triggered months-long anti-India protests. Most militants and civilians killed in the past three years belong to the districts where polling will be held on 29 April and 6 May.

None other than Mehbooba Mufti, who made southern Kashmir a laboratory for a palatable form of mainstream politics in the late nineties and never lost an election since 1996, knew this was coming. Her election speeches betrayed the fears that not many people would come out to vote. After casting her vote at a polling station in her hometown Bijbehara, she put on a confident face before the cameras.

“We are confident of victory. My father has left a legacy in the form of workers and I trust them. They are my hope,” she told the media. A politician already smells trouble if she banks on her party workers alone, not the general electorate, for an electoral victory.

In the 2014 Lok Sabha poll, Mehbooba had polled 200,429 votes, and even her closest rival, NC’s Mehboob Beg, got 135,012 votes.

This time, in the six polling booths of centre number 35, a short distance away from Mehbooba’s ancestral home in Bijbehara, a mere 139 votes, out of the 4,400 registered, were polled. Forty of the 65 polling booths that drew no voters belonged to her home turf.

Every polling station looked like a mini garrison, guarded inside and outside by about 100 to 400 paramilitary soldiers. With the arrest of dozens of Jamaat-e-Islami members, separatist leaders and potential pro-boycott protesters besides curbs on the media, the government had wiped out the chances of an active campaign for boycott, which could have made even the 13% voting a tall order.

Outside Khanabal polling station, a photojournalist complained he couldn’t find anything worthwhile to shoot because there were no voter queues. A journalist jokingly advised him to photograph a small gathering of pro-boycott onlookers outside the polling stations instead.

“You should go to villages if you want to see the polling trends today. This place anyway boycotts elections because we know they are a farce,” said a lawyer, requesting anonymity. He was apparently referring to the trend of overwhelming boycott in urban areas and low to moderate voting in villages. Several people who gathered around him said only a UN-backed referendum would be a genuine election. A policeman shooed them away.

In the majority of the villages that did vote, only the party cadres came in ones and twos to polling stations early in the morning to avoid eye contact with those boycotting the polls. Nearly all the women who voted at the Bijbehara centre were wearing burka as a shield against the shame associated with voting.

The bottled up anger against the elections, which was being held under the watch of 30,000 additional paramilitary soldiers besides thousands of policemen and soldiers already deployed in the area, erupted in the evening when two vehicles carrying election staff and police guard were attacked with stones in Zalangam village, the ancestral village of separatist leader Yasin Malik. A policeman succumbed at hospital and 14 paramilitary soldiers were injured. The polling day coincided with a general strike called against the Malik’s alleged mistreatment in the custody of the National Investigation Agency. At a few places, anti-election protesters clashed with the police.

Often, voters justify going against the majority sentiment by giving stock reasons handed to them by their party leaders to blunt the guilt associated with voting. BJP’s open declaration to abrogate Article 370 and 35A, the legislations which provide special constitutional status to Jammu and Kashmir, was the reigning one this time.

At a polling station in Dooru, about a dozen Congress and PDP workers had tea together. They ensured their colleagues bring in vehicles, the voters who might be reluctant to walk to the station in such a prohibitive atmosphere.

“Our shops were ransacked by BJP workers in Bihar. You might have seen the video that went viral on social media. The shops of Kashmiris selling handicrafts. I want my vote to go to Rahul Gandhi so that BJP doesn’t come to power again. Only a secular government in New Delhi can ensure protection for Article 370 and 35A. I have no other motive,” said a man who identified himself as a businessman.

A PDP worker told him that only a Kashmiri leader could speak for Kashmiris. Local Congress leaders were subservient to their national leadership.

“And who brought BJP into Kashmir? We know how your leader begged for votes in the name of stopping BJP and then entered into an alliance with it,” the Congress supporter said.

“We did stop them. We didn’t let them fiddle with the special status. They betrayed us,” the PDP worker said.

As the argument heated up, a Congress worker said that during 2016, the PDP-led coalition government got him arrested on charges of instigating the street protests.

“I have held the Congress flag at a time when every mainstream politician ran away from Kashmir. And PDP government filed an FIR against me,” he said, only to be countered with the same allegation by the PDP worker.

Another PDP supporter said that “all mainstream politicians are crooks”, and hurled choicest abuses at them.

“Believe me I have come here only because of my good relations with Andrabi sahab. You can trust him. He is a god-fearing man. (State Congress chief) Ghulam Ahmad Mir was an accused in sex scandal,” the man said. Farooq Andrabi was the former local MLA and Mehbooba Mufti’s close relative.

“I have bought my son along. He is unemployed,” the man added.

The son, in his early twenties, asked the journalists to leave.

“If you stay long enough, the argument will turn into a fight. Please leave,” he told us. His father again cursed the mainstream politicians and “we Kashmiris who can’t resist the temptation to vote”.

In Verinag, a tourist destination, dozens of paramilitary soldiers deployed on the streets had put down an anti-election protest that had morphed into a stone-throwing clash. A police official walked up to a few people sitting on the stairs of a half-open tea shop. They told him that tension had been brewing since the CRPF soldiers arrived two days before the polling. After being pelted with stones on Monday evening, the soldiers had vented their ire on a few shopkeepers, damaging their goods. A man named Thokur had been beaten, they told the official.

Once the police left, an elderly man, pointed toward the polling station and stones, evidence of the clash, strewn on the road.

“It is there. We don’t vote. They are all charlatans. How can you vote when people around you have been killed?”

The special National Investigation Agency (NIA) court on Wednesday rejected an application to bar Malegaon blast accused Pragya Singh Thakur from contesting 2019 Lok Sabha polls. 

She is the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) candidate for Bhopal. 

The NIA said that it had no jurisdiction in the matter as contesting elections was unrelated to the case and it did not want to offer comments on the plea as it was related to the election and the election commission, according to The Times of India.

“It (whether she can contest) can be decided by the EC only,” the NIA said.

The plea was filed by the father of a Malegaon blast victim. Nisar Sayyed, who lost his son in the blast, filed the application against Thakur after the BJP fielded her from the Bhopal Lok Sabha seat, where she is locked in a battle with Congress veteran Digvijaya Singh.

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The applicant sought that Thakur, who is out on bail, be asked to attend court proceedings in Mumbai and barred from contesting the election as the trial is in progress.

It further mentioned that Thakur got bail on health grounds. If she is “healthy enough to fight elections in the crippling summers heat”, then she has misled the court, the complainant alleged.

(With PTI inputs)

There’s a fable about Parvathy Thiruvothu that is often repeated with some amusement and not a little disbelief. Once upon a time, it goes, a scriptwriter and director went to an actor with a story. She listened attentively and then told them, “Let me sleep over it. If by morning, the character is still with me, I am on.” Unfortunately, the character didn’t wake up with her. The end.

If this story was about a man, it probably wouldn’t even be worth repeating. But in Kerala’s film industry, where male superstars still rule the roost and women rarely get to pick and choose from the handful of author-backed roles written for them, this actually is a big deal.

And it is just one of the small ways in which Parvathy and a few others like her have been changing conversations in Malayalam cinema.

From standing firm in the face of an organised misogyny campaign to speaking up, even at the cost of losing work, for a fellow actress who was sexually assaulted, Parvathy has been taking on critics with humour and nonchalance.  

It helps that she is really, really good at her job.

From the beginning, Parvathy came across as someone who thinks carefully about her roles. But since 2014, there seems to be a distinct shift in her choice of roles, where she is less willing to settle for what the industry offers women and more likely to ask for, and get, the characters she thinks she deserves.

In a recent interview, when this writer reminded her that Uyare, her new movie where she plays an acid attack survivor, is only her 22nd film in the 14 years since her debut, Parvathy was taken aback.

“Wow! That’s quite a number! It would have been physically, emotionally and intellectually impossible for me to do anything more than this,” she said.

That’s because now she only takes on roles she is convinced by, and then dedicates herself completely to them.

An assistant director on the sets of Aashiq Abu’s ambitious Virus, based on the Nipah virus outbreak in Kerala, said that Parvathy’s approach to acting stood out even in an ensemble cast.  

“Sure, there are a lot of seasoned actors on the sets and they are all dedicated. But Parvathy seems to give the term “dedication” a whole new definition. She would take notes, have long conversations with the writers and ask a hundred questions to the director. Looking at her, you know she is already in that character and has shut herself from the outside world,” said the person on condition of anonymity.

Writer Sanjay, part of the Sanjay-Bobby team which scripted Uyare, as well as Parvathy’s second film Notebook, said that she has had this obsessively studious approach to acting right from the beginning of her career. “It’s fairly simple. She wants to live that life, through that character.”

Second time’s the charm

Parvathy made a forgettable debut in an equally unmemorable film, Out of Syllabus (2006), which sank without a trace. Most people think her first movie was Notebook (2006), a cautionary tale about teenage romance directed by Rosshan Andrrews.

“It’s the film that changed my perspective as an actor and person,” said the actor, who played one of the three leads. The movie was about three teenage best friends studying at an elite Ooty school, and how an unplanned pregnancy turns their lives upside down. Parvathy played the ambitious Pooja, who betrays her friend to save herself and then ends up losing her mind from guilt. It was a bold choice for someone so young—Pooja is an unlikeable character but the way Parvathy played her, you could even understand why she would have done what she did.

It was on the sets of this movie that the actor learnt that “creating certain tastes for the character is a different kind of exploration”. This, she said, included thinking about what kind of toothpaste or soap the character would use.

The next year, she did three films. Her characters weren’t that memorable, but that was less a function of her acting and more that of the roles that were on offer at the time—in Sathyan Anthikad’s Vinodayathra,she played the role of Mukesh’s sister; in Sibi Malayil’s thriller Flash, she was Dhwani, a woman still haunted by demons from the past, and in her Kannada debut Milana, opposite Puneeth Rajkumar, she played a girl forced into a marriage by her parents.

Her first breakthrough performance was her Tamil debut Poo (2008), directed by Sasi, where she played an ordinary village girl, Maari, who is obsessively in love with her childhood sweetheart but ends up marrying someone else. It was one of Parvathy’s first chances to show that she was willing to go the extra mile for a role, and she took it. Stripped of make-up, she inhabited the character of Maari, a woman who would trek barefoot for miles in the scorching sun to meet her lover.

So what is her method really like?

“My acting coaches are actors I have worked with, filmmakers, writers and the teams they put together and the very many films I have watched. It’s a brilliant education as long as you are willing to learn and put in the work,” she said.

She had a few not-very-memorable movies after that before the 2011 film, City of God, directed by Lijo Jose Pellissery, where she played domestic abuse survivor Marathakam. In Maryan (2013), her Panimalar shared equal billing with Dhanush’s title role. Both her characters belonged to the rural terrain of Tamil Nadu and were uneducated but feisty women who were ready to do anything for love. While Marathakam was raw, Panimalar had a quiet strength and dignity about her; she was the driving force behind the hero’s evolution.

Bangalore Days, and a new chapter

2014 was the year where we first saw Parvathy in a role that seemed like it had been written with only her in mind. RJ Sarah in Bangalore Days (2014)was, by the dictionary of mainstream cinema, an ‘off-beat’ character. The energetic, paraplegic RJ was crafted with a lot of confidence and independence. And, says Parvathy, there was a lot more to the character that we didn’t even see onscreen, that went into making her:

“What are the books she reads, and doesn’t read? Music she hates. Also, her arm strength has to be better. Upper body was more defined than her lower body (because she used a wheelchair). I needed to work on my upper arm strength, even if there is no scene where she is being picked up. I need to do it to believe that I am her. These characters inform my life choices and decisions much later,” she said.

She followed that up with a brief but vital part in UthamaVillain, where she played Kamal Haasan’s daughter. Ennu Ninte Moideen (2015), a tragic love story inspired by real life, set in the 70s, in which she played the role of Kanchanamala, was another winner. And she was a joy to watch in Charlie, released the same year, where as Tessa, she embarks on a mission to track down the hero, with whom she falls in love through the fascinating accounts she hears of him from different people. Unapologetic and free-spirited Tessa is a character that Parvathy often speaks of as closest to her personality. She won the first of her two Kerala state awards for Charlie and Ennu Ninte Moideen.

“There are not many actors who get involved in their roles like the way Parvathy does. It’s wonderful to see her doing a Marathakam who is a Tamil worker living in modest surroundings, then the stylish Tessa in Charlie, the nurse Sameera who is going through a personal crisis at the Iraqi war front in Take Off or a confident RJ Sarah in BangaloreDays, in such a convincing way. Parvathy chooses her roles intelligently and conveys the emotions of the characters so well, perhaps more effectively than most of her peers,” said film critic Vijay George.

Her most memorable role is nurse Sameera in editor-turned-director Mahesh Narayanan’s TakeOff (which won her a bunch of awards including an IFFI Best Actor Award (female), her second state award and a special mention at the National Film Awards).

Her character, a divorcee whose financial problems force her to travel to Iraq for work, is soon held hostage with her colleagues by an ISIS-like militant group. In a film with three popular heroes, Parvathy’s performance as the overworked, brusque woman who just can’t afford to relax for a second was the highlight. The internalisation took some time, said Parvathy, but interestingly, she adds that turning into her characters can actually help her in real life as well.

“It’s about what all she does physically. She doesn’t waste her time even in the shower, neither has she the time to shave or thread her eyebrows. She is sleepless as she has done double shifts all her life. She takes pills for anxiety and sleep. It’s a detail only I need to find out. It was between me and Mahesh—he even showed me what kind of medicines. During the time of online abuse (the trolling campaign), I believe I was able to be quick with actions because of a Sameera. Like her, I don’t have the time to rest. I draw strength from each of my characters. I learnt how to fall in love from Panimalar (Maryan).”

This loyalty towards her work has won the actor praise from her peers as well.

“She is one of the finest actors of our generation. She is so dedicated, will prepare for the scene, be there in the moment and you realise that in front of the camera, she doesn’t even bother about what’s happening around her,” said Prithviraj Sukumaran in a TV interview about his co-star of three films.

Though her debut in Hindi, QaribQaribSinglle, directed by Tanuja Chandra and co-starring Irrfan Khan, didn’t really set the box office on fire, Parvathy’s Jaya was still a strong, fascinating role. Unfortunately, her much anticipated character in Anjali Menon’s sensitive Koode (2018) suffered at the writing table. 

Off-screen swag

As a member of an industry where women have always chosen diplomacy over truth, played safe with words and rarely allowed anyone to take them seriously, Parvathy has totally re-written the narrative. Before her, there was an Urvashi who spoke her mind and questioned the patriarchal superstardom, was detailed about her technique and craft and did not let anyone play her for a fool. Shobana became more vocal after she took a sabbatical. Making herself scarce to the industry, she hinted at the double standards of ageing superstars who wanted younger heroines.

Since then, the pattern didn’t really vary.  Even Manju Warrier, arguably the most successful female actor Malayalam cinema has seen, has always shown tact and diplomacy, seldom speaking her mind about the inequality and pay disparity in the industry.

As with other languages, most interviews with female actors in Malayalam also revolve around their experience working with their superstar co-stars, appearance and location stories (“It was like a family picnic”). How often are they questioned about their craft, their technique or the hassles at the workplace? These cerebral queries are all reserved for male actors.

One of the first signs that Parvathy was different came in 2015, when she announced on her Facebook page that the caste tag ‘Menon’ had been foisted upon her by lazy journalists.

During the promotional interviews for her debut Hindi film, it was refreshing to hear her categorically brush aside the oft-repeated query of “acting opposite Khans” as annoying.

From vociferously calling herself a feminist, explaining its correct dynamics, her hunger for roles, the importance of demarcating the actor from the person, to openly talking about casting couch and pay discrepancy, she has always stood apart from a bulk of her contemporaries.

She isn’t alone anymore though. The 2016 case, where an actress was assaulted in a moving vehicle, has drawn a clear line within the movie industry. Parvathy, Rima Kallingal and Revathy are just a few among the women fighting the good fight, often drawing the ire of senior male actors who don’t know what hit them.    

“I have nothing to say about actors who are on a power trip,” she grinned, when asked about superstardom.

In an interview with this writer, she spoke about battling depression, confessed to having a paunch at one point and touched on the importance of staying true to her character, even if it meant gaining weight. Considering how female actors are almost always judged on their looks rather than talent, there is an invigorating lack of vanity in her conversation.

During that infamous Kasaba episode, where she pulled up Malayalam superstar Mammootty for glorifying misogyny, what really made all the difference was her refusal to be browbeaten despite being viciously trolled and abused by the star’s fans on social media (he didn’t tell his fans to stop, which is another story altogether).

As directors and co-actors openly ridiculed her, Parvathy was in no mood to give up. Her detractors were powered by a serious lack of logic, such as bringing up her consensual kissing scene in Maryan to claim her arguments were invalid (Sowmya Rajendran has demolished some of the stupid claims here).

Instead of backtracking and apologising, Parvathy went on social media to tell her misogynist harassers to take a walk.

“I want to highlight Parvathy sharing Aysha Mahmood’s ‘OMKV’ (roughly translated as ‘get lost you pervert’) embroidery as a thumping reply to director Jude Anthany Joseph’s regressive analogy on actors when he compared them to circus monkeys. Then she added the hashtag #feminichispeaking. She embraced the term ‘Feminichi’, originally coined to mock ‘feminist’, a taboo word for the many ‘proud-to-be-humanists’ around us. With this single act, she artfully turned the widely ridiculous discourse on women’s rights on its head,” said Resmi Binoy, who writes on cinema and culture for The Hindu.

Like some of Kallingal’s remarks, many people have been unable to digest Parvathy’s ‘bold’ statements, which are actually just sensible observations. The only thing ‘bold’ about them is that she says them out loud even if it may cost her roles.

“The very fact that these actors and an organisation like WCC, formed at an extremely crucial juncture demanding women’s safety at work places, are being trolled and threatened and derided shows how essential a voice like Parvathy’s is to take us forward as a modern, literate, progressive society,” added Binoy.

The questions will continue

As a child, said Parvathy, she always asked questions and often never got any satisfactory answers, but still persisted.  

“Somewhere, you must draw the line and say that it stops with you. I am blessed with a family which accepts its own ignorance too. Then we collectively find an answer,” she said.

It took her almost 31 years and some effort, said Parvathy, to get to this space. The reluctance by many educated people to understand the difference between glorification and depiction of misogyny, she thinks, could be because they don’t want to spend “so much emotional labour to change themselves”.

Well, if they won’t do it themselves, people like Parvathy will just have to do it for them.

That’s why she declares with conviction in almost every interview that she “won’t endorse a film which glorifies an item dance, misogyny or patriarchy”. And she openly and vocally supports the LGBT+ community.

Parvathy’s story is that of an actor who is successful on her own terms, who isn’t afraid of taking risks, who would rather sit at home than do insignificant roles, who isn’t frightened of stardom or stars, who would rather let her work do the talking and yes, someone who is madly in love with cinema. Her conversation, almost a philosophical rant at times, points to a woman who is as complicated, layered and intriguing as the various characters she absorbs on screen.

“You will see me work a lot because I need to change the narrative, we need to change the narrative.  I need to show that speaking your truth doesn’t mean unemployment.”

During fieldwork in 2011–14 and again in 2016, I began to see political supporters of Chief Minister Narendra Modi engaging in the curious practice of collective masquerade. In various public venues at the time, still visible today on countless photographs and in video recordings, large groups of people gather in which every single individual makes the same face. They all wear a Modi mask. The photos seem eerie for what they lack: individual facial expressions. The mask, one of which I purchased, is a rubber contraption that depicts the face of the Indian politician not as parody but in typifying detail. The practice started around 2007 when Modi had not yet entirely overcome major legal and political hurdles linking his administration to the Gujarat pogrom. It had, for Modi, a brilliant effect: the sea of masks made every photograph of a crowd gathering in his name a permanent visual advertisement for his face. Crowds of every kind are ubiquitous in India. In linking name and face via the crowd, Modi’s face became iconic beyond Gujarat. With his mass appeal and popularity steadily increasing, the Modi mask soon became an item en vogue.

Several types of masks circulated in various periods of electoral and public agitation leading up to the general election in 2014. Street workers, Modi supporters, and sometimes accidental bystanders, wore these masks during mass events. Some were made of stiff plastic, others of colored paper, but the most popular one was made of a soft, pliable rubber—the type one finds in Halloween stores in the US. It reminded me of the masks worn in the famous British comedy series Spitting Image. The soft rubber is produced by an India-based company and when worn causes heavy perspiration. It also smells strongly of the petrol chemicals with which synthetic rubbers are made. This most popular version of the Modi mask, covering only the front part of wearer’s face, depicts the politician’s facial features most accurately. During his national campaign in 2013–14, it far outnumbered the others. It faithfully depicts Modi’s distinctive features: smoothened white hair, high forehead, light skin tone, small ears, rimless eyeglasses, thick, full lips framed by a white mustache that blends seamlessly into the edges of his beard. The soft rubber material is of a kind that allows adjustment to any head size or shape while also minimising distortion of facial features. For an Indian today, it is impossible to doubt who this mask presents.

These masks acquired an unintended humorous quality at times by transferring the politician’s increasingly familiar features into strange social televisual contexts: dark-skinned tribal women as Modi-versions in interviews espoused economic development in their own unique tongues and voices; dusty rickshaw-drivers looked like Modi clones as they stuttered awed excitement about the prospects of a decent living wage into a reporter’s microphone; an athletic muscle-man in a T-shirt stretched his pecks into the TV camera, impersonating the somewhat plump and more humble politician while speculating about the future of health in the nation. And then there were countless children hidden behind a single overlarge adult face with white hair—all of them sweating profusely under the soft plastic in the incredible heat. In the mask their voices resounded hollowly through its orifices articulating their hopes for a better India, all hiding behind the rubber contraption.

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The popularity of Modi masks can be contrasted with the popular disenchantment with the Congress system. There is no face in the Congress Party today that could do the work that Modi’s face does for the BJP. It’s former leader, the Italian-born Sonia Gandhi, represents a cosmopolitanism that is popularly disparaged as ‘Western’. Rahul Gandhi, its current leader, after winning his father Rajiv’s old seat in Amethi, UP, in 2009, did very badly in 2014 by bestowing on Congress one of its worst defeats. Congress has other problems relevant to representation and delegation: a very complicated mechanism of segmented representation; and the internal layering of dynastic rank, primogeniture, and traditional power as against the promise, however naive, of a singular strong authority. While Modi was able to oust his immediate predecessors, Rahul can ill afford to show disrespect to his mother. The Congress umbrella doesn’t open properly any longer. Such a decisive identification with a political leader like Modi is a phenomenon that has not taken place at a national scale in India at least since the days of Indira Gandhi. The Modi mask is the plastic symbol of a new political formation that the BJP came to dominate. By presenting a single face and focusing all attention on only one man’s features, some degree of definite clarity in appearance was achieved which in the election attracted many voters.

A crowd is usually understood to be a faceless phenomenon, but these political crowds found their face in Narendra Modi’s. This identification through masking becomes more intelligible when placed alongside the context of how people used them for the ubiquitous Indian ritual of tilaka: putting a mark of red vermillion on the center of their foreheads in order to honour the receiver. By putting a tilak on the rubber mask instead of one’s actual face, it suddenly became unclear, who was being honoured by this habitual act. Is it the anonymous individual wearing the mask or is it the important persona depicted by the mask’s surface features? The convergence of the anonymous member of the crowd with their designated leader was now complete: the politician as the representative face of the group and the group as the embodiment of the man.

A mask is an object that depicts and conceals at the same time. While the facial features depicted in and through the mask are shown, the face beneath it remains hidden. There is something strange happening when someone puts on a mask. Something breaks in the air. There enters a new presence, a supplementary address by a third, and this address becomes interrupted once it is taken off again. Masked supporters of Modi never seem to want to take off their masks while cameras are rolling or while photos are being shot. This, despite the fact that it was highly unlikely they would ever again be on live TV. I found the insistence on remaining concealed surprising, because I assumed that one way to emphasise the authenticity of one’s opinion is to add one’s individual features to it—i.e. to take off the mask. It reminded me of veiled Muslim women in Gujarat, who will often tie a niqab tightly when cameras are rolling for the duration of what they have to say, only to relax the practice a moment later, when they hail their rickshaw and drive home. The women want to become visible to an anonymous public only as pious and veiled and without their individual facial features. The Modi supporters similarly did not want to add something that might disturb the smooth surface of their leader’s rubber replica. Instead of becoming visible as who they were, they made themselves invisible as members of his crowd.

And yet, it is insufficient to understand this practice, the wearing of a mask of the leader by political supporters, as a unidirectional affair. The mirror works both ways. In India, politicians, too, wear the coverings of their potential voters. Election campaigns include elaborate tours through regions and the countryside, as well as cities in the Indian union during which candidates engage in spectacles of costuming that sometimes approximate a veritable carnival of sorts. Enveloped by playful accoutrements, such as coats and shawls, they pose bearing typifying swords, and especially colourful turbans or other headgear originating from various ethnic, regional, and caste communities. Sometimes the head coverings make them even look silly. Such productions are a remnant of a once much more elaborate ceremonial logic of honouring the stranger as a visiting guest.

For electoral candidates, sartorial styles, wearing garments and displaying other regalia, are symbolic strategies, especially while on the campaign trail.They offer token recognition to particular identities of which there are many in India. The practice of wrapping oneself in unfamiliar clothes is indexical of the inclusion and mutual consideration demanded in the world’s largest and by far the most diverse democracy. Nowhere can one find such a density of kitsch and superficial yet also endearing symbolism as when Indian politicians take on the garbs of their respective audiences, offering studied postures and making bland, complementary statements. Yet, the exchange always remains reciprocal: the attention the people give to the candidate (the guest) is reciprocated by the attention the candidate gives to the regional specificities and particularities of the hosts. Wearing the Modi mask marks a dramatic break with this customary reciprocity: under the mask, the people do not become present except in the leader’s image. 

Parvis Ghassem-Fachandi is an Associate Professor of Anthropology at the Rutgers University. 

Excerpted with permission from ‘Majoritarian State: How Hindu Nationalism Is Changing India’. Edited by Angana P Chatterji, Thomas Blom Hansen and Christophe Jaffrelot.

2019/537 Pages 537/Hardback: Rs 899